That's right. We've all got our lists: tall, handsome, funny, not a complete moron.
But since I've been diagnosed with celiac disease my list took a surprising change. No longer did I want the guy who was into craft beer and loved to cook. No longer was I drawn to the bro who couldn't stand more than one vegetable and ate a fast food meal at least three times a week.
This guy and I, I realized, were not going to coexist together very well.
So, in honor of the impending day of doom (ahem, I mean, Valentine's Day) here it is. My "list" and suggestions on what all single and celiac ladies should look for in a beau.
1. A healthy eater.
Listen, ladies, what's the first thing everyone tells you when you go GF? "Fruits and vegetables are naturally gluten-free! How great is that?!" SUPER great when you're just chillin' by yourself with your bowl of rice and veggies each night, but what happens when you add a 170+ 20something male into the picture?
He's gotta take his fruits and veggies like the pros recommend. And hey, if he's down with quinoa, you know you've got a good thing.
2. A man whose drink of choice is something other than beer.
Okay, to be fair on this one, there is something undeniably sexy about a man who drinks beer. In fact, I have a pretty rant-worthy stigma against men who take vodka waters over a Bud Light. What are you? A binged-out sorority girl?
But you know what else is sexy? Whiskey. Rum. Tequila.
You know what's usually gluten-free? Whiskey. Rum. Tequila.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be some kind of beer-nazi. But making out with a dude who's been gulping down pale ales all night is extremely less enjoyable a few hours after the fact.
So, yeah, my man can like beer - I hope he does! I just hope that he picks something else to drink all night long if he's out with beer-fearing me.
3. A man who does his homework.
So this whole "gluten-free" thing has gotten a little out of control in the last few years. And consequently, I find some people don't take me and my food needs seriously because of it (buttheads).
But if a suitor takes an interest - a real interest - in learning what foods I can have, what I can't, and what precautions I need to take three times a day and at snack times, hot damn he's got my attention.
4. Mr. Supportive
Not to get all cliche-woman on everyone, but I need my main squeeze to be supportive.
While I like to think I've gone all Beyonce on this GF lifestyle, sometimes I'll need my Jay Z to let me pout about it. There have been and will be days where I do not want to have celiac disease so bad that the frustration, exhaustion, and stress of eating will drive me to cry baby status.
Mr. Supportive, just let it happen. And maybe bring me Chipotle or tacos.
5. A man who hates to cook.
I know what you're thinking. "It's so hot when men cook!"
And it IS hot when men cook.
For the most part.
Until they don't read the labels on their ingredients.
Or put the gluten spoon in the GF pan.
Or put their wheat toast in the GF toaster.
You catch the drift.
If he hates to cook, that means I'll be cooking. Which means I get to control everything. Which is basically utopia.
So there you have it. The top five things I want in a mate, celiac-style. I'm sure this list will evolve, and I'm sure at some point I'll get so good at living gluten-free that some of this may not even matter anymore.
But for now, take note fellas!