Single & Celiac

Twenty-something. Gluten-free everything.

On Snogging

We need to have a serious conversation about making out. (Dad, this is maybe the blog post you don't read.) I like kissing boys, but I also like not wanting to cry and barf, locked to the toilet afterward.

And while there are certainly a few (gross and concerning) factors that could lead to this bodily fluid k-i-s-s-i-n-g misadventure, gluten should not be one of them.

So, how?

Seriously, how do we do this? Look at these scenarios:

A. You're at a party sippin' on cider. Non-Celiac Stud (NCS) is on his fourth (or fifth) craft beer. The night is winding down. You're hitting it off. He leans in. And… !!!!!

Do you stop him? Give him the cheek? Just peck and hope for the best? Do any of these and then bumble about why you can't swap spit? Do you stop and exclaim, "I'M SUDDENLY SO DEHYDRATED! YOU WANT SOME WATER?" sprinting to the kitchen to fill a red solo cup that you'll then throw on his open-mouthed face?

???

B. You're on a date. NCS is again, working that craft beer. He knows you're celiac. He had a bite of your gluten free whatever, just to be polite. But you haven't quite gone there. Ya know, there where you talk about your intense fear of crumbs and the extreme measures you take to avoid microscopic traces of the G. There where it's normal for you to have your own bowl of dip at parties and where you don't lick envelopes and where you buy really expensive lip gloss because yeah, even that has to be GF.

And let's be real, avoiding there is a pleasant place! Your innate, medial vulnerability hasn't really been exposed. You're like any girl at this point. And to dive into that "BTW, my lifestyle is way more than just asking for a gluten free menu, and it's sort of suuuuper high-maintenance sometimes but it's just so I don't get cancer someday" conversation, isn't exactly fun and flirty. But I still want to safely kiss this hottie who just ordered another amber ale. Is that so wrong?

NCS may want to walk you to your door at the end of the night. You may even want him to come in. You will want him to come in because he's a babe.

So, now what? Killing the mood with that convo sounds horrific, but so do the next twelve hours if his gluten mouth locks with yours.

Can we not catch a hot, awesome, romantic break here?

Talk to me. What do you do? What has worked and what hasn't?

Girl needs help.

Celiac Respect

Never mind I'll find someone like you (oooouuuuu)