Single & Celiac

Twenty-something. Gluten-free everything.

Thoughts I had but never said.

I thought it was kind when you suggested the group eat at a GF-friendly restaurant, so I wouldn't have to. I don't know if you did that on purpose, or if you just said it because I mentioned it on the drive to the wedding. Either way, I felt supported. 

I thought it was nice when you showed me sympathy when I reminisced about my favorite beers from my past life. Your eyes were kind, and I could tell you weren't just listening, but rather absorbing and respecting the changes I've had to make.

I thought it was relieving to get through a glutening with you. You were patient and forgiving of my uncontrollable, wild obsessions during those 12+ hours.

I thought it was convenient that you rarely wanted to eat out. I knew it was always because you didn't want to spend the money, but that was fine with me. Eating out is stressful. Not eating together is not. 

I thought it was freeing to not have to talk about my diet needs on our first date. You already knew me. You'd already had a hundred meals with me. I felt no fear or embarrassment asking for a gluten-free menu in front of you, ever.

I'm grateful for all of those things, but, I thought a few other things, too.

I thought it was comically uncomfortable when your dad wore a shirt that said "gluten farmer" the second time I met him. "Gluten farmer" ...how was I supposed to take that?? I thought it was avoidant when you said you didn't like to hear me say "when I was sick." But I was sick. I was sick for a very long time. I thought it was insensitive, or maybe just thoughtless, that you never had anything I could eat or drink on hand at your house, when we spent the majority of our time together there. I thought it was disrespectful when you dismissed my anger about the Emmy's this year. Jimmy Kimmel made that dumb joke about the PB&J sandwiches and the "annoying" GF actors, and I text you to vent about it. "It was just a joke," you replied. I thought it was odd that you said you didn't want to read my blog because it felt "too personal." Too personal? As my boyfriend I thought you'd want to know every personal thing about me. 

I thought I was good at sharing all of the pieces that make me, me. I thought a thousand more thoughts that I don't know if I ever said, and maybe I should have. I thought we both thought this was going to end differently. 

But now I think maybe I wasn't any better at this than you. 

The lazy celiac's gluten-free poutine

Musings from a grocery store cashier